“He was the best player available” Says who?
“He has a lot of up-side” But not in this sport.
“He has size” Too bad he isn’t auditioning to be a security guard.
“He is a leader” The Liberals could sure use him.
“He is honest and hard working” Poor guy was blessed with no skill.
“He’s played on a winner” Back in grade one I think I played on a winning dodge ball team.
“He’s dedicated” Until he doesn’t get what he wants.
“He’s got talent” But just not for this sport.
“He’s the complete package” And Loomis was happy to deliver.
“UPS just announced they have signed a marketing agreement with the owners of Big Brown, the impressive Kentucky Derby winner. Is this really a great idea before the Preakness and Belmont? UPS generally doesn’t deliver on Saturdays.” Janice Hough
“New York Yankees fan Yvonne Hernandez killed a Boston Red Sox fan on Monday by running over him in a parking lot with her car. They’d been arguing in a bar all day. Every woman in America is giving Hillary Clinton advice on how to win this thing.” Comedian Argus Hamilton
anniversary starting on May 22. In a ceremony to
celebrate its selling, Scott Boras will reinact the selling of Barry Zito to the Giants.” Contributor Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, California
“The Bengals signed Nebraska’s Maurice Purify to a two-year contract. Yeah, with all of those arrests lately, the Bengals could use some purification.” Bill Littlejohn

opinion250.com

Police Beat is compiled from reports released to the media by area law enforcement agencies. Anyone arrested is presumed innocent until proved guilty in court.
Two hurt in Andrew Road crash
Two people were taken to the hospital after their car left Andrew Road, half a mile east of Illinois 29, near Sherman and slid down an embankment about 10 p.m. Thursday.
The car flipped onto the driver’s side, coming to rest in a ditch, said Sangamon County sheriff’s Sgt. Tim Mazrim.
Deputies did not know the names of the female driver or her male passenger, but noted the man was conscious and alert when they arrived. The semi-consciousness female was extricated from the vehicle by Sherman and Illinois Air Guard firefighters after being trapped inside for nearly 45 minutes. The extent of their injuries was unknown.
An Athens resident, Patricia Schnapp, 41, said the car had been following her vehicle from Peoria Road, and it was veering across traffic lanes.
Man grazed by bullet
A man told police a bullet grazed his foot when someone fired shots into his house in the 1300 block of East Edwards Street about 11:40 p.m. Wednesday.
Police found bullet holes in the interior walls of the house, and one round went through a TV screen. The victim, who is 20, told police he was in the living room and heard shots fired. One of them grazed his foot, causing an abrasion, but he did not require medical attention.
Police found shell casings inside.
Neighbors reported hearing four shots fired, possibly by men in dark clothing who fired from a nearby vacant lot.
Teen girl battered, robbed
A Springfield man allegedly battered and robbed a 16-year-old girl.
Barrien B. Miller, 25, of the 2100 block of Bradley Court was arrested at his home Wednesday.
The incident happened early Wednesday at an apartment in the 300 block of South Durkin Drive. The girl told police she was home alone because her mother works the night shift. About 1:30 a.m., Miller, whom she knows as “B.C.,” showed up asking to be let in. He and the girl talked for a while, but when the conversation turned sexual, she became uncomfortable and ran out of the apartment.

sj-r.com

The pilot, assigned to the 62nd Fighter Squadron, was flying an F-16C fighter jet out of Luke Air Force Base when the plane crashed in a remote area Friday. His body was found Saturday afternoon.
The pilot’s name was being withheld until his family is notified.
Crews discovered the wreckage Friday night in a remote area. A “G-suit” and parachute were discovered at the time, but no pilot, said Mary Jo May, a Luke spokeswoman.
The site 87 miles west of Phoenix in the Buckskin Mountains is reachable only by helicopter.
“Our thoughts and prayers are with the family as we grieve the tragic loss of this outstanding airman,” Brig. Gen. Tom Jones, 56th Fighter Wing commander, said in a statement.
The pilot was on a training mission when the crash occurred around noon.
A board of officers has been convened to investigate the accident.

usatoday.com